In order to lose 30 pounds by pool season (fitness goals 2 and 3), Trainer mapped out a workout regimen and put me on what he called a “conservative” calorie count of 1550 cals a day. At that rate (I started in January) I would lose 1.5 pounds per week and hit my goal in time for summer.

At first I thought, ok, 1550 isn’t so bad for a weight loss plan. In fact, it sounded almost decadent given that I’d worked with a trainer a few years back who had me on 1200 cals a day which made me think I was dying. Working out that hard and eating so little made me ravenous and a wee bit insane. Things got weird. I had to apologize to friends and coworkers when they caught me staring and drooling, and explain that everyone around me was turning into turkey legs, bowls of spaghetti and pieces of pie. You know… like in the old cartoons where two people are marooned on an island and they’re both starving so they imagine the other person is food and they end up chasing each other around with a knife and fork that appears out nowhere? Yeah. That.

So, clearly I was a bit nervous that might happen again but had high hopes the extra 350 cals a day would feel luxurious this time around. And they did. Sort of. For the first few days I found it was pretty easy to stay under 1550. Turns out managing calorie intake is a piece of cake (CAKE!) if you prepare all of your meals at home and avoid alcohol. Then the weekend came. Whoops.

“It’s ok,” Trainer said. “Think of your calories in three day increments. If you blow it one day, just make up for it with low cals the next couple of days so your total count works out overall for those days.”

Hmm… more math. But it sounds a little more forgiving and doable as I attempt to find some will power. It’s tough. When every calorie counts, you end up obsessing over everything you ingest and there’s a number in your head that climbs all day long as you get closer and closer to your limit.

One day I’d underestimated something I ate for lunch and by the time I had a snack and saw my mistake, I realized anything I ate for dinner – no matter how healthy – would put me over for the day. Oh no. Panic. Despair. What to do? I was trying so hard and thought I was being so good. Then I had a terrible thought. Brilliant. But terrible.

What if I take a sleeping pill when I get home from work? Then I could skip dinner and just go straight to bed! GENIUS!

Yep. That was an actual idea from my brain. Desperate times were calling for desperate measures and I’d been reduced to thinking I could knock out my hunger by knocking myself out. What had my world come to?

Fortunately, the more mature and wise part of me that wants to be healthy about losing weight didn’t let me to do that. So, instead, I had a ton of roasted vegetables and a small piece of grilled chicken for dinner and didn’t go to bed hungry. I did have a good laugh though because, come on, I almost invented a horribly unhealthy “sleep diet.”

And I’ve heard laughing burns like four calories a minute. But who’s counting?