Goals

I Found My Hips!

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Sure, that is a strange statement for anyone whose hips have never gone missing. And until you try to swing or deadlift a kettle bell, you may never know yours are. But it was the first thing Trainer noticed when we started working out at the beginning of the year.

First, though, I need to back up and tell you why we were focusing on these types of movements in the first place. I have a fitness goal that, up until now, only Trainer and Gym BFF have known about and that is to get a butt. Because I don’t have one. I go from back to leg and it isn’t pretty. I’m not saying I want Kim K’s caboose but I’d really like something a little more 3D than the flat surface that’s happening back there now.

So, whoomp there I was, a woman dedicated to booty barre classes, lunges, squats and stair machines, fully aware that I was working my butt off to try and get a butt. For months I did all of these things, and while I was seeing amazing transformation in other body parts, my butt wasn’t budging. Or bulging. It was still flat as a pancake.

I set out to solve the great mystery of why doing all these booty exercises was getting no booty results and discovered that I’m not shy when it comes to talking to people about my booty – or lack thereof. I posed the “what gives?” question to friends, trainers, coworkers and even strangers in my quest to learn more about backsides.

I visited a friend in Colorado recently and as we compared fitness regimens I mentioned my booty issues. She said she went through the same thing and finally got the booty she wanted when she mastered deadlifting. I told her about my “missing hips” problem and she said I needed to find them quick because it’s the only thing that’s ever worked for her. And after making her turn around so I could see her butt I said, “Mm hmm, on it.”

As soon as I got back from CO I met with trainer and was all, “We have to find my hips!” so we did a back-to-basics training session to assess any movements I was getting wrong. And just a few squats in, he discovered my problem: over-developed quads. My quads were so strong they were doing all of the work in my lower body workouts.

That’s when the lightbulb turned on and it all started to make sense. As a college soccer player and later cyclist, I’d created quads of steel and the muscle memory there was equally strong. My quads had come roaring back and that, in turn, had allowed my glutes to be lazy. Really lazy. Like pancakes taking a nap. And it was time to wake them up.

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This picture was taken about the same time and a friend wrote #QuadGoals in the comments so it was all starting to come together.

With this valuable piece of the puzzle in place we focused on exercises that isolated my glutes (one-legged leg presses are my new favorite thing) and I made a conscious effort to give my quads a rest and make other muscles do the heavy lifting with squats, lunges, chairs and whatnot. Surprisingly, my new focus paid off fairly quickly and I nailed a 50lb kettle bell deadlift and swing in a session last week – after which Trainer yelled, “YOU FOUND YOUR HIPS!”

Oh happy day! I had! And now I stand an actual chance of getting a decent little booty going. I doubt it will be the kind anyone writes songs about but you can bet your ass I’ll rock some apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur when it gets here.

 

It’s Working.

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Adages are old for a reason. Turns out universal truths are fairly spot on. At least I’ve found that to be the case when it comes to fitness. If you work hard and eat right, you’re going to see some positive results.

I’ve been at this whole fitness game for a few months now and I’m starting to see some major changes. Since my last (somewhat frustrating) “Results” post, things have really turned around. I’ve lost 13 pounds. And while I’ve still got a way to go on the scale, the real difference is in my body composition. I’ve lost fat and gained lean muscle. I’m smaller, faster, fitter. (Is that even a word? I hope so.)

Those fitness goals I devoted my second post to? I’m ticking them off one by one. I’ve shaved 30 seconds off my mile and have worn a bathing suit in public. While I’m not quite ready for a bikini contest, I now feel comfortable enough to walk around one of the chicest pools in town in a two piece.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’ve conquered fitness fears I didn’t even know existed until I found myself doing them with ease and confidence – like becoming a regular on the free weights benches and navigating the circuit training area like a pro. I might be a disaster when it comes to step aerobics but I know six ways to Sunday using the TRX bands, how to load up a squat bar, and just recently blew my own mind by doing one-armed burpees. Whaaaaaaaaaaat?

And the real kicker? I didn’t flinch at my last weigh-in/measurements session when Trainer said “off with the tank top!” and broke out the fat calipers. Why? I knew there’d be less fat for him to pinch. And there was. When he did the math and delivered my results his exact words were, “Absolutely crushing it and doing it the right way!” It’s one thing to feel like you’re making progress but to have that progress validated by your favorite fitness guru is another thing entirely.

Which brings me to the Oscar speech portion of this entry where I thank the people who’ve helped make my success possible. In no particular order, because they all play a valuable role, I’d like to thank:

Trainer, for his brutal – but still kind – honesty, showing me the way and believing in me. He’s even started doing me a major solid when Gym Crush is nearby and I’m working out on my own by chatting me up and making me look good in front of him. Bonus!

Which brings me to Gym Crush. He may not know it but he has provided some serious motivation for getting my ass to the gym and working out like a champ when I’m there. My goodness, the man is perfection. *swoon

And last but certainly not least, my Gym BFF. She is my rock. Everyone should be so lucky to have a gym buddy like her. Not only is she my constant companion through brutal workouts and every type of fitness class you can imagine, she is my comic relief. She makes me nearly cry laughing as we plié and plank our way around the gym. (Seriously, she deserves own post and will have one soon so the world can learn all about our gym antics.)

So there you have it. A few of the keys to my success so far . I used to feel like the first image was an accurate depiction of what I looked like when I ran. But the pic that follows is actual proof of where I am now. And it feels pretty great.

little girl running meme    hb running

Goals

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A wise prostitute once said, “You gotta have a goal. Do you have a goal?”

kit deluca

Yeah, Kit DeLuca, underrated hooker sidekick from Pretty Woman, I do. In fact, I have three.

I was surprised at how quickly my first fitness goal came to mind when Trainer asked. “A faster mile,” I said. I’ve never been a fast runner by any stretch of the imagination but I’d noticed about a year ago, when I started training for the Brooklyn Half Marathon, that I was moving like molasses. I’ve also never been one to knock anyone’s pace because a mile is a mile in my book and good on ya for getting out there and doing it, but still I wanted to pick up the pace. At the very least so I could pretend to keep up with some of my friends who are, let’s face it, really just gazelles pretending to be human.

Anyhoo, I digress. Goal 1: FASTER MILE. 

I’m using my time in the BK Half as my base because it’s my best time since I started counting. I averaged a ten minute mile for the first ten miles and didn’t drop much for the last 3.1, which isn’t fast for some but was like lightning for me.

Goal 2: LOSE 30 POUNDS.

I know. Sounds like a lot. But keep in mind I’m 5’11 so I can gain a bit of weight without anyone really noticing. Which is a good and bad thing. A 5-10 pound weight gain isn’t going to result in a drastic change and likely won’t affect clothing sizes, so by the time I notice I’ve put on weight, I’ve actually put on quite a bit of weight. It’s terribly cruel math but there you have it.

And I don’t know if you know how hard one has to work to lose 30 pounds, but trust me, it’s hard work. Losing two pounds a week is really ambitious and at that rate it will take me 15 weeks to lose it. That’s nearly four months. MORE MATH. But hey, I didn’t gain it overnight so I won’t lose it overnight either. Must be patient. Or start doing meth. KIDDING. I’ll be healthy and take the patient, “slow and steady wins the race” path.

Goal 3: BIKINI READY BY POOL SEASON!

Now this is one of the most vain statements I’ve ever made but I really would like to, for once in my life, not be self conscious in a bathing suit in public. I was a chubby kid and teenager who was painfully aware of how ridiculous I looked in a swimsuit and, like most of us, carried that body image into adulthood. Sure, I can laugh about it now, but there were a lot of years there that just weren’t kind. I have a hilarious yarn from a Florida beach trip where I spent probably ten minutes wedging my roly poly five year old body into an inner tube that was clearly designed for a much smaller child. The plastic made horrible sounds as I inched that tube up and around my belly but I was determined. I was also oblivious to the audience I’d attracted who was watching and chuckling at my struggle. I finally heard the giggles when I’d gotten the tube situated so my triumph was short-lived as I, mortified as a kindergartner can be, jumped into the pool and paddled and splashed my way to the other side to pout.

So, yeah, bikini ready by pool season. If we want to examine the actual fitness behind my bikini goal it’s this: I know getting in shape isn’t just about getting thin and that there’s a huge difference between being skinny and being fit. I’m working toward the latter and hope that poolside confidence is just one of the many benefits that comes with the territory of being fit. If not, I’ll be working through that Florida poolside trauma with a therapist.